Published on October 26, 2011 edition of Ventura County Star
"There are three things I have learned never to discuss with people," offers Linus van Pelt in the Peanuts comic strip, "religion, politics and the Great Pumpkin."
Nobody knows where Linus will show up this year to await the Great Pumpkin, but the Giant Pumpkin Commonwealth (GPC), the official body that sanctions more than 90 pumpkin weigh-offs worldwide, estimates that each year 10,000 amateur growers cultivate Atlantic Giant pumpkins — the perfect candidate to stand in for Linus' toy-distributing Halloween icon.
Atlantic Giants bulk up so quickly you can almost see them grow. During their peak growing season, their weight can spike as much as 50 pounds per day. It literally takes a village to pick up an Atlantic Giant, these days, or at least a couple of buddies with a heavy-duty crane.
The furrow to prize-winning pumpkins can be traced, believe it or not, to Henry David Thoreau. Three years after penning "Walden," Thoreau planted a Potiron Jaune Gros de Paris (fat yellow Paris pumpkin) in his garden in Concord, Mass., that reached an astonishing 123.5 pounds.
Though gigantic by most standards, Thoreau's pumpkin paled in comparison to one grown in southwest England, tipping the scales at 245 pounds.
After the turn of the century, William Warnock, a machinist and farmer from Goderich, Ontario, produced a 403-pounder for the 1904 St. Louis World's Fair — a record that held for more than 70 years.
With the current champion at 1,810.5 lbs, brought in by Chris Stevens, a general contractor from New Richmond, Wis., pumpkin producers are redoubling their efforts — learning complex biochemistry, plant genetics and microbiology as well as devising a slew of scientific strategies involving natural growth hormones, super-nutrients developed by NASA, double grafting and top secret brews of compost and soil supplements.
These folks invest thousands of dollars in water, fertilizers, mechanized farming equipment and a chemical armory to wage war on pumpkin-specific insects and disease. Pruning, weeding, feeding and watering has become, for them, a full-time job.
Rumor has it that the next record-breaker might ripen in the warm California sun. The extreme summer weather has somewhat dampened the prospects of contestants residing in the Midwest.
Professional tree-trimmer Don Young has set state pumpkin records in both Iowa and California. In 2009, Conan O'Brien, behind the wheel of a monster truck, smashed one of Young's enormous pumpkins on his television show.
Young regularly lays out $8,000 (he doesn't have) a year and uses 27,000 gallons of water a month — nearly enough to supply a family of four for a year — in his quest to produce a one-ton pumpkin.
Left to her own devices, Mother Nature never intended pumpkins to swell as large as a small car.
Giant pumpkins are cultivated from seeds the size of a quarter. Last fall, a Stevens 1810.5 (which came from the 1810.5 record-holder cultivated by Chris Stevens) brought a staggering $1,600.
Before that, Ron Wallace's 1,068 pound pumpkin yielded the most sought-after seed in the world. What was his secret? Wallace told CBS Sunday Morning in 2007, "We use a lot of fish, kelp, humic acid. The humates help open up the soil for microbial activity," he explained.
"Add any potassium or calcium, adjust the pH," he continued. "You know, we'll do all that in the fall. And then during the season we do tissue tests."
Due to shape, weight or weather, growth hormone-pumped pumpkins can split or rot from the inside, shattering dreams of prize money and that coveted mention in the Guinness Book of World Records. That's exactly what happened to the Wallace family, for more years than they care to remember.
In their story, told by Susan Warren in "Backyard Giants: The Passionate, Heartbreaking, Glorious Quest to Grow the Biggest Pumpkin Ever," Wallace muses, "Granted, you're always going to lose a pumpkin or two. But you know what? Me and my father deserve a little luck. I guess it's like Clint Eastwood said in 'The Unforgiven,' 'Deservin's got nothing to do with it.'"
"All you can really ask for," he added, "is opportunity."
So why do it? "By God, if we can get a pumpkin up to a ton, imagine what we can do to somebody's vegetable crop," GPC President Dave Stelts told Smithsonian Magazine. "What we are doing will be reflected on the dinner table of America."
Every time Charlie Brown asks Linus when he's going to "stop believing in something that isn't true," Linus vows he will give up when Charlie Brown stops believing in Santa Claus. The two friends appear to be separated by denominational differences.
Linus has waited for the Great Pumpkin every Halloween since 1960. That's five decades with no payoff. Yet, Linus remains undeterred. Someday, he'll find the patch the Great Pumpkin deems "most sincere." End of discussion.
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